How Does Emily Feel About Light-Sabers?

In the comments to "The Zombies - A Rose For Emily", Jady writes a brief note, asking for an update on how things are going with Emily. So, I thought I would drop a quick blog entry, giving the ley of the land, in that regard.

Meisner class ended last Tuesday and she wasn't there, actually. Her flight landed at O-Hare, with thirty minutes to go before the end of class. We knew, in advance, that she wouldn't be there.

And so it was, that her text message to me, saying "So glad to be back! How was class? Was my scene partner there? Did he say anything stupid?" actually came through, as I was onstage, doing my scene from "Battle of the Bands." I reached down, silenced the vibration in my pocket and went on with the scene.

After class, when I saw the message, I was thrilled to hear from her again. She's in town, less than 20 minutes before I get contact from her. I take that as a good sign. We had a pleasant chat, via text, about how class went and how stupid her scene partner generall is. Just checking in with each other. It was nice.

A day later, she responded to the email that I sent her while she was gone for the vacation. I swear, it was all business. She's looking for a new headshot photographer and I've talked to her about using Greg.

She's also going to audition for "Fugue", which is good, because it's an amazing show and she's actually a smart, talented, emotive actress. She should be a good match for the show. (Leaving aside that it would mean three more months in rehearsal with her and two months performance with her. Possibly more.)

Tony playfully accused me of casting the show with my dick. I swear I'm not. If she couldn't do the show and do it well, I never would've mentioned it to her. And this whole thing is entirely "dick-free", at this point. The most physical contact that we've had was a warm, pleasant hug. Entirely asexual. It was just nice, being close to her. Even when I am alone, I don't fantasize about her. I'm crushing on her, not lusting after her. That stuff will come later, probably. I'm not rushing anything. I could do the show with her and moon over her a little bit, but I won't make an actual pass at her. It's not that kind of crush.

Yesterday, I got a nice, long email from her. She responded to my headshots discussion and talked about how excited she is about "Fugue" auditions and then ended things off asking about my "midnight comedy show". Apparently, she and some of her friends are going out that night and she's thinking about seeing "Sickest Stories".

Oh Lord. Of course, she would come on the night that I'll be dressing up like Darth Vader. Why would she come any other night?!?

I might have to reassess the entrance that I'd worked out for myself.

This is my life.

A 33 year old man who has to decide whether he should "dry-hump" a room-ful of total strangers, in a Darth Vader costume, with his fancy-pants light-saber standing in as his penis, possibly risking offense with the 26 year old girl that he fancies.

I don't think that normal people have to think about that sort of thing.

Merrily We Roll Along,
Mr.B

The Zombies - "A Rose For Emily"

So, this song just came up on my Ipod.



Jenn turned to me and said, "Oh God. You're not playing that because the name Emily is in the title, are you?"

"No," I said, "I'm playing it because it happens to be on an album that I just got from The Library Grift. But now that you've mentioned it, let's go back and listen to it over again."

I mean, I'm pretty gay for this girl.
But wistfully playing songs with her name in the title, just to pine for her?
That's a little undignified for a guy as cool as me.
I mean, C'mon!

Yeah, so, that's a pretty song. I will have to put it on the secret mixtape CD that I'm designing for her. I hope she likes it!

Lord, but I am gay for this girl.

Cheers,
Mr.B

Emily Continued...

I keep forgetting that people actually read this blog. When someone, that I haven't seen for a few weeks, comes up to me and says, "How is this Emily Thing going?" it catches me by surprise. I think, "How do you know about this Emily Thing?" and then I think, "Oh, that's right. I print Absolutely Everything in my Fucking Blog."

So, I thought I would drop you a quick email to let you know how things are going.

Well, "The Aloof Stratagem" actually seems to be working pretty well. Although days can go by without me calling her or emailing her, when we DO talk, she seems really interested and even adding information to keep the contact going. Last night, at our next-to-last class, she turned to me across the seating area and mouthed something to me. I had no idea what she was saying, but she sure looked cute. After class, she came up to me and said, "Can I call you in a bit? I have to tell you what just happened." I told her that she could and she said she would call me and I went back into my scene-study with my partner.
After class, I texted her to let her know that I was out of the theater. She called me immediately and we had a nice, long chat about how my intern was rude to her in class. (I missed the whole thing.) I really enjoyed talking to her. It was wonderful. But I didn't say that. I just hung back and let her drive and when there was a lull, I contributed to what she was saying. We ended up talking about other things and the call lasted nearly the whole bus ride. At the end, I could tell that she didn't want to stop talking. We ended the call and I fought the urge to send her a text telling her how wonderful I think that she is.

Today, I just got another call. Although it started out as a call about my intern and her scene, it shifted to talk about her upcoming travel plans and the job that she doesn't want anymore. not whining or anything, just open discussion about the job. (She's in ad sales and is OVER it, altogether.)

The whole time we were talking, all I could think was, "I REALLY want to see you before you leave for the weekend."
Instead, what I said was, "So, when do you fly out?"
She told me. Friday. In the afternoon. And then she said, "I guess I'll see you when I get back. Or I might call you before then and maybe we can get together."
I said, "I would really like that," as cooly as possible. I didn't say what I was thinking, which was, "Can we please? Can we? Can we? Can we? GOD! LET'S GET TOGETHER!"

According to the rules of "The Aloof Stratagem", the ball is in her court. She gets to decide when and where we see each other again. I am available and interested, but not pursuing. Which gives her a little room to decide how and when she would like to pursue me. As Jenn explained it to me, yesterday, "Nothing drives a girl crazier about a guy, than when you like him and you think that he likes you, but for whatever reason, he isn't calling you. You catch yourself picking up your phone and saying, I'll just call him real quick about this other thing and then you don't because you don't want to freak him out. I guarantee you, she's thinking about it, out there, wherever she is."

This shouldn't be working. It's entirely counter-intuitive. It's dishonest and mis-representational of who I am, what I feel and how I express myself. I am literally pretending to be someone other than who I am, to pique her interest.

But it's working. She's calling me. She seems to be interested. I very well might get to see her before she leaves for her vacation. Things actually seem to be progressing forward and we are getting closer.

I would be more resistant of this whole deception, if I didn't think she was absolutely wonderful. She's beautiful and smart and funny and sexy. She's confident and capable. I was thinking, as we had dinner on Sunday, "I could get used to having this beautiful person around, more often."

Let's hope that happens...

So, that's the update.

Cheers,
Mr.B



PS. Yesterday, Jenn also added. "It's ridiculous that I am having to teach you how to be aloof with girls. Most guys are experts at it. They can't help it. It's what they naturally do. What's wrong with you, that you have to fake it, in order to interest a girl? It's ridiculous."

A Proper Date...

Now then, THAT was a proper date.

Went out with Emily last night.

It was everything that I could possibly want from a first date.

Casual drinks and conversation together in a Starbucks, pre-show.

The show was a delightful, light comedy piece that we both really enjoyed.

After the show, we went to the reception and I looked like a rockstar for covering the tab, knowing lots of people and for standing up to two different pushy bar employees with cool confidence.

As much as she enjoyed the total experience, Emily also found time to spend with me. We told "Embarrassing Gig" stories and talked about our future aspirations. She asked me a little bit about Kentucky. She's very gracious. Very smart about how she interracts with people. I felt well taken care of.

After dinner and a very few drinks, she allowed me to walk her home. The walk to her apartment was light and easy. I enjoyed this part, the most. The evening was cool and we walked past row after row of lovely brownstones, in our neighborhood. I had my hands in my pockets as we slowly shuffled along. There was no pressure for either of us to do anything other than enjoy the moment.

I dropped her off. She hugged me. I hugged her back. That was very nice. We made loose plans to get together again some time soon. Again, all very light and easy.

I cheerfully thanked her for a great evening and then walked away before I turned into a complete dipshit on the sidewalk in front of her apartment. I didn't want her to see on my face, how much I was mooning over her. I thought that might add too much pressure to her. So, I made a quick, charming escape.

She said, "I really had a great time tonight. We will have to get together again, some time soon. I will see you in class on Tuesday."

Acting on advice from Jenn, I'm resisting the urge to send a follow-up email or text. I won't work to set the next date or to try to begin a longer, casual conversation over email or cell. According to Jenn, I need to "let her come to [me], by giving her some room to miss [me], just a little bit." So, I'm enjoying the evening for what it was and letting things just "be as they are" and as much as I would like to see her... I'll just wait for that to happen, in it's own sweet time.

It seems to me to be a counter-productive way to get to know someone better... acting against one's instincts or expressing genuine affection that one feels, but I'm chalking all of that up to the inherent mysteries of women. Going out a long way, just to come back a short distance.

It was a great evening, though. Sitting out in the garden of the bar with her, talking theater and performance, with fountains around us and a slight, cool breeze was a highlight of the evening.

I really like this girl.

Cheers,
Mr.B

Suddenly Emily...

I had no plan for any of this.

I had no way of seeing this coming.

Coming on the heels of Bad Date Weekend, I wasn't looking for anyone or for anything.

I was just going to my Meisner class, ready to re-connect with my inner actor, etc. etc. etc.

Emily is in that class.

I am terrified of Emily.

She's 26 and young and superhot. She's clearly smart and confident in her youth and life. She's comfortable onstage and she fearlessly attacks her scene. And she awakens all of my inner collegiat insecurities. If she talks to me, I am suddenly my most timid, college-age self, only in this aging, balding, fattening body. I lack the hard belly of my college days and my long hair to protect me from her wily, girly charms.

Naturally, I've been avoiding her as much as possible.

Which hasn't always worked.
I've taken the stage to do my scene and she's the person who gets up to join me. On Day One, she was my partner and we did the exercise where we stare at our partner and scrutinize them physically for two minutes and then describe them, making guesses to personality based upon posture, dress, etc. She described me first and I caught myself embarrased by my clothes that day and the tuft of chest hair that they revealed. And the thinning hair.
When it was my turn to describe her, i stuck to her clothes only and said that she "had smart eyes, very clever". I didn't talk about the way that her eyebrows arch when she's considering something. Or her caramel-colored skin. Or the way that her hair has slipped out from her headband and thin wisps of it have fallen down her neck. Or her the sleeveless shirt which showed off how lithe and agile her arms are.
How exquisitively lovely Emily is.
All of that was left unsaid.

In the notes section of the exercise, she said, "He was so quiet and reserved, when he was describing me. I trusted him and knew he wouldn't attack me or tear me apart. The quieter he got while describing me, the more that I wanted to lean in and listen to him." I didn't tell her that I got quiet because I didn't want to betray how lovely I thought that she was. We're not THAT honest in our meisner class.

That was a month ago. And I've avoided her, every week since then.

Last night, she chose to be my scene partner again. I entered the door into the scene and helped her look for a contact lens that wasn't really there. In the notes, after the scene, our teacher was more concerned with the lack of an actual, physical contact lens. When he got to me and said, "What were you feeling in that scene?" I answered, "I was just happy to be here with her." And she looked at me...

After class, as we were all leaving, Emily cut through the crowd to come talk to me. She hates her current job, ad sales, and she is investigating other options. She wanted to talk to me about the theater and what might be happening here. She also wanted to know about how I got my job and any tips I had for getting a job in the theater. I was a little caught-off-guard by the attention, but I kept things professional. I talked about the websites that I use to post jobs and the websites where I can usually find jobs. We walked as we talked and I found myself at my office door. I went inside to gather up my things and she leaned on the door frame, asking questions and listening to my answers.

Another co-worker came in and we all three talked about the job market and working in theater. Emily was comfortable chatting with Rose. Rose is also extraordinarily lovely. So, I avoid her too. And because I avoid her and I've never flirted with her at all, she's comfortable around me and wants to hang out in my office. Exactly the thing that I don't want to happen, but what can you do?

Two more co-workers showed up, having returned from the $2 wells drinks and 30 cent wings special, at the bar next door. They both had rosy cheeks. But it was after work and a hot summer day. The perfect day to hae a beer and watch the All Stars game. Upon hearing that the game was on, Emily perked up, looked dead at me and said, "You want to go next door with me and have a beer and watch the game?" Earlier, when my intern made the same offer, I declined, saying that I had to go let my dog out. I looked at Emily and said, "I'd love to."

And so we ended up in a Sports bar, talking and chatting more than watching the game. We talked about her travels to Europe and my childhood in Kentucky. We both told funny college stories. We both talked about class and our classmates and the crazy shit that people do in a Meisner class. We're both waiting to see when two girls will kiss. We both think it's inevitable.

She mentioned, in passing, that she's been single for three months now.

A friend of hers, Kristin, joined us at the bar. She was lovely and charming, too. They were both drinking cocktails and I passed over a tray of mild hot wings to her and watched Kristin dig into them. All three of us were sucking hot sauce off of our fingers and talking about movies, HBO shows and robot dinosaurs. You know, Important Stuff.

Emily asked me if I was seeing anyone and I said that I wasn't.

Another co-worker, Kevin, joined us and we all talked about how we all danced, when we danced. With demonstrations. Lots of laughs, all the way around.

Her knee brushed up against mine under the table, then rested against it and stayed there. I froze, like a man electrocuted, suddenly very, very nervous now.

Out of nowhere, Kevin asked when i was going to see his next show at the theater. It is opening this weekend. I said, "I don't know. Two or three weeks in, I guess. That's when I usually go." He quietly shook his head "no" and said, "You should go to opening night. We're papering the house AND we have critics in the house AND we're hosting a reception afterwards. You should come to the opening, this Sunday night... and you should invite your friend to come with you."

And he looked at Emily.
And she looked at me.

And said, "That sounds great. I'd love to come."

"Okay. It's a plan. Emily, do you want to catch a show with me, this weekend," I asked.

She answered, "I'd love to." Same thing I said, when she invited me out that night.

So, we exchanged numbers and email addresses and set a call time and that was the plan. We also made plans to see "The Dark Knight" with a group of friends, next week.

We settled the tab and Kevin offered me a ride home. All three of us walked south on Lincoln Ave. The girls chatted about girl stuff and I caught Kevin up on Robot Dinosaurs. We got the corner where we all parted ways and Kristin and I shook hands, "it was a pleasure meeting you" and Emily hugged Kevin and I had just enough time to think, "Oh fuck" and she came at me, all smiles and hugged me too and I wrapped my arms around her back and we stood there, hugging for a bit. We broke apart and they went one way and Kevin and I crossed the street.

Kevin said, "Wow."

And I said, "Yeah."

I don't know where she came from.
Or what I've done right to catch the interest of this extraordinarily beautiful woman. I didn't even consider this as a possibility. She is way too lovely for me. A bit out of the league that I am getting too old to play in.

I'm going to approach this one with a light touch and Realistic Expectations. I will be open to new experiences and less interested in applying lessons learned from previous relationships. I'll say "yes" to new experiences with her and look at her with the possibility that this might turn out all right, after all. I'll be less guarded and more open to exploring her uniqueness.

My new philosophy is to "Say yes to every adventure that comes my way" and when she arched those eyebrows at me and said, "Do you want to come with me?" I put aside the events of last weekend and said "Yes" to Emily and had the best night out with a girl in weeks. Months.

I see her again in 4 nights.

Wow.

Yeah.

Cheers,
Mr.B